How odd, I've been silent for A while,
I just got out of another fire brand relationship, it lasted 2 months but was to intense, in the end i got new shoes, and new tires, odd I end up with gifts of travel.
I spent the last two nights in A dear friends bed, she chases away the Chaos of my life atleast for A little while, it helps me sleep, but we have to many mutual associates, so we can never be together it'd rip her world apart, and can't watch her suffer. To top it off I might have A job..actually I'm sure I do, I just need to go in for my second interview, and get my hours, sadly I'll work second shift so Everyone I know goes away, and it's gonna be just me, and Raine, but that's ok I owe Raine alot of attention.
I went, and got Raine new struts to help lift her up, so I don't damage the body because Lincoln has awful pot holes every where,turns out they don't come with springs so now I gotta order Springs from Japan it could take a few days to get here, and until then Raine is bumperless..
Hopefully life looks up from here, it'll be lonely but maybe I need to be lonely...
vicuris
Freedom
How odd, I find myself single, and alone, even though those, two go hand in hand. But that's not the odd part, the odd part is for the first time I'm single, and not feeling like A need someone to share my bed, I'm slowly fighting to get over my addiction to sex, and basing my relationships on physical affection, but in truth I think I'm ment to be A casual dater, then again maybe I'm just stuck looking for that right person, but it always seems like the right one, is with the wrong guy already, and he has no interest in letting her go..
Then again maybe it's just the fact she's with somebody else that draws me to her, after all I have a thing for Sins, and forbidden fruit is like my candy. Then again when I do fall in love it's one sided, like nobody could ever love me for me. So everything I hate about me is what makes me worth one night of exstacy one night of sins with the silver tounged devil, then like all good hearted people, they wake up from the intoxicating night of pleasure to realize they want something more dependable, more pure, they curse me for my taint, or demand that I devote my life to them, and them only..
I prize my freedom far to deeply to ever be somebody's slave unless of my own free will, I'd rather be in control, I'd rather pull the strings, I enjoy watching others dance, but I fall for my toys, and not in A deep rooted love, but like the love of an owner, I simply want to own it cause it's mine, because it once gave itself freely to me, I want it to dance for me forever, to always be at y call, and never say no...
But they always do, tired of being played with they move on, find someone who'll promise them more, asking for truth, but hating that truth is passion, and love is simply the lie given to them at night when the covers are tucked, and they're told the monsters won't hurt them, long as they find love, and believe what they're told with out question..
I've seen the monsters that live under my bed, I've fed on the energy of the skeletons in my closet, my demons kept me company when everyone else turned away in hate, and greed. My demons wispered to me in the long nights, told me what to think, and why pain hurts. They told me how to react, and to never show true pain, only lies, I've learned well the power of the mask we wear, I've loved others for the mask they wear, only to find the human beneath tainted, and boring. The taste of souls is refined, the desire for blood deep, and yet to find anything pure is A thing of legend, For one year, I wanna walk alone, I wanna slip into that void where others hide, I want the liquor to stain my lips, and expand my mind, I want to transcend, and be free of my body long enough to not be burdened by it, I want my soul to be free like it once was, I want to get lost in dream worlds where every one is friend, and no one is better then me, I want my lovers to be be coy, but passionate, I wanna be free, even if just for A short while let me taint and teach, let me be teacher, and lover, let me return to my youth for just A little while, so I might escape the shackles of age, and flesh...
Then again maybe it's just the fact she's with somebody else that draws me to her, after all I have a thing for Sins, and forbidden fruit is like my candy. Then again when I do fall in love it's one sided, like nobody could ever love me for me. So everything I hate about me is what makes me worth one night of exstacy one night of sins with the silver tounged devil, then like all good hearted people, they wake up from the intoxicating night of pleasure to realize they want something more dependable, more pure, they curse me for my taint, or demand that I devote my life to them, and them only..
I prize my freedom far to deeply to ever be somebody's slave unless of my own free will, I'd rather be in control, I'd rather pull the strings, I enjoy watching others dance, but I fall for my toys, and not in A deep rooted love, but like the love of an owner, I simply want to own it cause it's mine, because it once gave itself freely to me, I want it to dance for me forever, to always be at y call, and never say no...
But they always do, tired of being played with they move on, find someone who'll promise them more, asking for truth, but hating that truth is passion, and love is simply the lie given to them at night when the covers are tucked, and they're told the monsters won't hurt them, long as they find love, and believe what they're told with out question..
I've seen the monsters that live under my bed, I've fed on the energy of the skeletons in my closet, my demons kept me company when everyone else turned away in hate, and greed. My demons wispered to me in the long nights, told me what to think, and why pain hurts. They told me how to react, and to never show true pain, only lies, I've learned well the power of the mask we wear, I've loved others for the mask they wear, only to find the human beneath tainted, and boring. The taste of souls is refined, the desire for blood deep, and yet to find anything pure is A thing of legend, For one year, I wanna walk alone, I wanna slip into that void where others hide, I want the liquor to stain my lips, and expand my mind, I want to transcend, and be free of my body long enough to not be burdened by it, I want my soul to be free like it once was, I want to get lost in dream worlds where every one is friend, and no one is better then me, I want my lovers to be be coy, but passionate, I wanna be free, even if just for A short while let me taint and teach, let me be teacher, and lover, let me return to my youth for just A little while, so I might escape the shackles of age, and flesh...
Time to think..
Ah Xmas alone, it was Peaceful I got to crank my music, and walk around in my boxers, even managed to talk to an old friend I haven't heard from in years, seems it wasn't such a bad day after all...,
Loose ends
Ever wonder why we spend the whole year in sin, and pleasure, and struggling so much to be good in that last month, I personally wouldn't know, December is my month of Karma, where my skin blisters with cold, and the pride that has become my shallow life blossoms, into a quiet lonely day, while everyone exchanges gifts, and acts like it's some special day I sit in silence alone, cut off from all that I've held dear, so I give them there happiness, and for one month I try not to cause any more heart, all I seem to do is hurt people, and break hearts, I don't want to, but in the end it's what I do, maybe I'm just ment to be the taint of world, the few who only suffer, and in turn spread there suffering...All I want is to be loved, but I could never bring myself to love someone in exchange, cause when I do, they see the taint of my soul, and turn away, yet I chose, my demon, and fed it on my spite, and anger, my jealousy gave it claws, my sweet words gave it teeth, and my broken heart gave it strength..
Another year alone, and yet I know the demon will not let me die, I'm not done suffering, but hopefully I drag on for the dream that one day someone will complete me even if for just one night I won't be cold, and empty, for one night I'll be special, I'll be wanted, and not feel like a puppet master, or the puppet..
Another year alone, and yet I know the demon will not let me die, I'm not done suffering, but hopefully I drag on for the dream that one day someone will complete me even if for just one night I won't be cold, and empty, for one night I'll be special, I'll be wanted, and not feel like a puppet master, or the puppet..
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